Stupid Jealousy Bug

I've been on the job hunt for quite some time now, and I've come to realize something:

NO ONE wants to hire me due to the simple fact that I have my days blocked out by classes.

It's alright though; school is more important than anything right now. 

I've got something else on my mind, that I think I've gotta just vent out...

EVERYONE IS FREAKING GETTING PREGNANT/MARRIED/ENGAGED.

Phew. Man, that just kinda exploded.

I am so happy for every single one of my friends. They are so deserving of every bit of happiness that comes to them, and I am so thankful that I can be part of their lives; however large or small that role is, and I in no way want them to try to tone their happiness down...that is ridiculous.

But that dumb jealousy bug keeps crawling up and biting me.

I don't know if it's the particular age that I'm at, my personality, growing up thriving on fairy tales and happily ever afters, or just...{go ahead and use your imagination to add something else to that list. I've got nothin' at the moment.} But I want it! I want to get engaged, be married, have the most amazing mircle that is pregnancy. Yeah, I'm one of those girls. Judge away.

Look, I know its coming. And I know that all of that would be far less joyful at this state in my life. I know I'm going to be patient, I know I'm not going to rush it...and I know talking about it to the BF makes him want to hyperventilate because of how expensive it would all be...

But saying all of that to myself, or you saying it to me, or just plain knowing it doesn't lessen the fact that the desire is still there. 

And Pinterest is just NOT helping. 

{ladies, you know what I'm talking about.}

At the same time, I'm terrified for it to happen. What if it doesn't live up to my expectations? What if it goes by so quickly I can't enjoy it? What if, what if, what if....

*Le sigh*
There is no easy out for this. I will continue to live vicariously through the weddings and pregnancies of my friends and focus on stuff like...
I dont have to pay for a wedding. Or I don't have to look forward to poopy dipers. I don't have to have another person's life completely in my hands. I get to be self-centered for a few more years.



OK. I feel a little better
:)