Inescapable Reality

20 days down...10 to go. 

It's amazing how much impact a social media website can have on our lives. While I'm glad I've taken this break, I can recognize that I miss a lot of things without it. 

Think of it as...a car. Before cars, it was difficult to get anywhere without taking a large amount of time. 10 miles on foot is a LONG way. 10 miles in a car is easily done. 

Information takes a long time to get to me now. I had no idea that Neil Armstrong died! I wouldn't have unless Boyfriend hadn't told me. Stuff going on with my Church...all organized on Facebook. 

I think back to one of my dearest friends...she really is one of the sweetest girls you'd ever meet. She has a serious love-hate relationship with Facebook. She has ups and downs: the downs is when she gets irritated with the silliness of Facebook and deletes her profile in a huff. (which really just makes it inactive for a bit until you log back on) It takes her only a few weeks of not talking to anyone, not knowing when things are happening, and not being included in the plans made on Facebook to decide to log back on. 

I think it's time to face the facts. 

You can't escape Facebook.

It's become an integral part of our society! Yeah, it's stupid. Yeah, there's a part of us that hates it sometimes. Unfortunately, it's become an appendage to our social bodies that; when amputated, causes our social life to have a major limp. We can all think fondly on a time in which actually communicating, even just with texting, was how life was lived, things were planned. It's JUST not the way it is any more. We can be like my dear friend; try to fight against it, try to have real relationships that aren't dictated by wall posts, mini feed explosions, and uploaded photos. Because of the overwhelming number of people relying on it it's nearly impossible. 

Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of stuff that is GOOD about Facebook. I mean; how great is it that we can share ideas, experiences, and political movements with billions of people at the stroke of a keyboard? Sure, sometimes we chose to abuse that power with pictures of our meals, or what our plans for the day are...but it is a resource centuries of people would have loved to have an opportunity to be introduced to. 

I would highly recommend, however; a few "Facebook cleanses" if you will. Having the ability to step back and see how deeply engrossed I became helps me to appreciate and respect Facebook a little bit more, while understanding that too much of a good thing really can be detrimental. 

take for instance:

Boyfriend and I were able to take a break from all the stressful stuff that's been occurring in our lives and drive about an hour into the mountains and camp at a great campsite named Pinezanita. We spent the whole time together, which was especially wonderful because I wasn't focused on Facebook and the lives that any of my "friends" were leading. I focused on him, on the absolutely beautiful oak, pine, and manzanita trees of the surrounding Julian forest, our relaxation, and our relationship with God. It was so wonderful!  It was only 4 miles away from the tiny town of Julian and just far enough away from San Diego to feel like we were taking a vacation. 

So maybe try it. Try going a week without Facebook; take the time you would have spend glued to the lives of other people, and spend it with people you care about. Spend it in prayer. Spend it buried in a forest with the man/woman you love by your side. It is such a beautiful thing. 

Speaking of beautiful...pictures from our trip!

We didn't have an axe so...he used a hammer :)

so cute :)

twilight

twilight 

love :)
and we both look SUPER young haha

FIRE!

wine tasting at the Blue Door winery in Julian...I highly recommend it!

driving home...he's just so hot!

sigh

blurry...we were driving

stoney mountains!

Day One {FREEDOM!}

Day one of the 30 Day Facebook detox...and it felt GREAT!

I didn't have to work today, and school didn't start until seven pm, and after the last few weeks of go go going with moving, vacation, and working 35-40 hours a week...I haven't had any "me" time. Whenever I DID get a break, I tried to spend it with boyfriend.

Well today I didn't!

I pampered myself! A manicure, a facial/skin rejuvenation/at home microdermabrasion, lounging in bed, watching movies, and of COURSE Starbucks. I LOVED it! 

Don't get me wrong, being with boyfriend is amazing...but sometimes a girl's gotta have some girl time. 

I wasn't even tempted (well...not very much) to go on Facebook!

The result: a happier, more relaxed, and soft-skinned Miss Nick. 

AND THEN CLASS HAPPENED. 

The class was great! It's a Deaf Culture class. It was what happened after the class that ruffled up my feathers. 

 A friend of mine and I were catching up, and she was telling me and some other girl that she knew about this guy she's dating; apparently he's amazing with the only problem being that he's "too religious," because he goes to church twice on sundays, once on wednesdays, and leads various Bible studies and support groups. This random girl, this "friend" of hers, starts trying to sell me on how lame that is, how he doesn't have a life...how he posts all sorts of religious quotes on Facebook...all with an ugly sneer on her face.

LOOK. 

I believe in religious freedom. Without the ability to choose to be with or away from God, our choice to be with Him would be empty. I'm ok if you don't have the same faith as I do. But I wasn't walking around talking about how stupid your faith or your life choices are. 

A year ago, I would have muttered some sort of thing about how that was weird. Six months ago I would have tried to find an easy out. Tonight, I did neither. I politely explained that it wasn't weird, that I do the same thing. I even wanted to throw in there that I was waiting until marriage to have sex, but I didn't want her poor brain to explode. 

She then hemmed and hawwed until she was able to figure out a way to walk away without having to respond directly to me. 

Our culture saddens me. It wasn't that long ago when going to church was the normal thing to do. It wasn't that long ago that Christ and His amazing hand in all of our lives was recognized and welcomed.  Now it's strange if you actually follow a faith or religion, now it's normal to test out the marital waters, and treat our bodies with disrespect. 

It's just lame. 

Anyway.

I DID find an awesome article on Pinterest today, about how social media is wreaking our lives. you can read it HERE..it really is phenomenal.

until the next...

Detox

Remember when I promised that I wouldn't take ages and ages to write another blog post.

Sadly, I have failed you. 

Quickfast update:

I have a job (I'm a nanny!), Boyfriend is FANTASTIC, family is wonderful, brotherbear is going back to college tomorrow morning, my family and I moved to a new house a few weeks ago and I am now in TWO weddings! One in November, and one in July. Both brides are SOO sweet and I can't wait for their big days!

Lastly: 

I have decided to begin an experiment. It could even be a challenge. 

30 days: No Facebook.

I'm sure I have a reader or two rolling their eyes and looking to click somewhere else to move on with their day. Allow me to explain WHY this decision was made.

I have become addicted to Facebook. Last thing before I fall asleep at night: check my Facebook feed. First thing when I open my eyes: open up Facebook on my phone to see what has happened in the lives of my "friends" that I'm subscribed to that I may have missed in the few hours that I shut my eyes. During the school year I spend much of class time scrolling through my mini feed, praying for someone to post something; doesn't even have to be interesting, but SOMETHING to help distract from the fact that I'm in class. Sometimes I check, forget I checked two minutes ago, and check again. Or even check, knowing I looked two minutes ago but hoping there was new information. First page I go to whenever my internet is up: Facebook. 

clearly...

{I have a problem.}

During the time that I spent aimlessly scrolling through people's thoughts, feelings, and food choices on Facebook, I could have had real conversations with boyfriend and family, I could have read something about the news, I could have played with my cats, I could have gone outside...something!

I don't like feeling enslaved to a social networking site. I don't like feeling like I NEED something as silly as Facebook; that I feel like I've lost time if I missed a posting by a "friend."

There was a fear that, as a friend put it, I was going from a "feast to a famine!" One might even call it quitting cold turkey. No, I'm still on Instagram (@miss_cbow) and Pinterest, among other sites, hoping the blow of the loss of facebook will be lessoned..

So! Starting tomorrow, monday morning, I will be deleting the Facebook application on my phone, and (POSSIBLY, we'll see) changing my password to a secret, boyfriend picked password, and then documenting the 30 day self-imposed challenge on this blog!

I can do this. 

Watch me succeed.

{To those who may be offended by my use of the term addiction, I mean no disrespect, and I apologize if you were offended. I won't change it, but I am sorry if it bothers you.}

my sweet man and I <3 td="td">

Boyfriend and Kitty Newman taking a nap

The times they are a changin'

I am kind of afraid to see the last date that I wrote a blog post, 'cause I know it will be a depressingly long time ago.

LIFE'S JUST BEEN SUPAH CRAY OKAY?!

{and yeah, ^that did just happen}

Boyfriend moved from an hour away in Oceanside to 7 minutes away, {which I LOVE} My grandfather has been in and out of the hospital due to falling and breaking his arm, {he seems to forget he's in his 80s} my grandmother was in the hospital, I got in a car accident, school has been absolute insanity, and recently I've been so sick I was questioning whether or not I was the walking dead and NOW boyfriend is sick. 

no excuse. 

Let's chat about boyfriend moving :) cause it made me the happiest!

For the first 9 months or so of our relationship, he {being a Marine} lived on base at Camp Pendleton in Oceanside. I live {on a rare no traffic day} 50 minutes/1 hour away. He was getting out, and needed to have a place to live...I was afraid he wouldn't be able to find something in his budget and would have to go back to Pennsylvania; where he is originally from/where his parents still love. 

that would have sucked!! 

Luckily, God pulled through and provided an awesome apartment exactly 7 minutes away from my house. He started with NO furniture at all, {meaning he was sleeping on a friend's air mattress!}  We've been able to slowly troll craigslist and purchase super cheap stuff...all we need now is a bedframe so the mattress/boxspring isn't sitting on the ground!

now here's where the rant starts.

Every time he or I would tell someone that he was moving or I was moving him or....whatever the conversation topic was, just about EVERYONE assumed I was living with him. I can not tell you how many people either assumed we were living together or asked if I was moving in. When I said, no, I don't want to move in with him until we're married...I got the weirdest looks. 

When did it become a norm that people would automatically be living together? Why is it SO weird that I don't want to live with him until we're married?

Look, if that's what you decide to do...whatevs. I have a BUNCH of friends who move in with their boyfriend/girlfriend, some after only dating for a few months. I'm not judging at all.

Here's my thing:

The divorce rate in this country is over 50%.

50% guys.

That's ridiculous! That is SO many people giving up on their marriages!

My plan: to never divorce. I know marriage is hard. Whoever thinks it isn't is plain stupid. But being married is hard enough without making it even more complicated before it even HAPPENS! 

I had one guy ask me, (rather rudely actually) 

"Well if you guys get married without living together first, how will you know the marriage will work?"

I'm not going to do a trial period, I'm not going to do a prenup, I'm not going to give myself any room for failure, because FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It will work because we're not going to be stupid about getting married too soon, {learned my lesson about that...read this post to know more} we LOVE each other {why in the world would I want to wake up next to him every day for the rest of my life if I didn't love him?!} and do you really think living together before will make it so the marriage will work? 

There was a time when living together before marriage wasn't as common as it is today...and the divorce rate was SO much smaller...just sayin'

I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if people weren't so weirded out that I don't want to live with him until then...or if they weren't so rude/judgmental about it. 

ahhhhh.

anywho. Don't worry. I won't leave you alone without me for so long again. :)

have a lovely week angel faces

Stupid Jealousy Bug

I've been on the job hunt for quite some time now, and I've come to realize something:

NO ONE wants to hire me due to the simple fact that I have my days blocked out by classes.

It's alright though; school is more important than anything right now. 

I've got something else on my mind, that I think I've gotta just vent out...

EVERYONE IS FREAKING GETTING PREGNANT/MARRIED/ENGAGED.

Phew. Man, that just kinda exploded.

I am so happy for every single one of my friends. They are so deserving of every bit of happiness that comes to them, and I am so thankful that I can be part of their lives; however large or small that role is, and I in no way want them to try to tone their happiness down...that is ridiculous.

But that dumb jealousy bug keeps crawling up and biting me.

I don't know if it's the particular age that I'm at, my personality, growing up thriving on fairy tales and happily ever afters, or just...{go ahead and use your imagination to add something else to that list. I've got nothin' at the moment.} But I want it! I want to get engaged, be married, have the most amazing mircle that is pregnancy. Yeah, I'm one of those girls. Judge away.

Look, I know its coming. And I know that all of that would be far less joyful at this state in my life. I know I'm going to be patient, I know I'm not going to rush it...and I know talking about it to the BF makes him want to hyperventilate because of how expensive it would all be...

But saying all of that to myself, or you saying it to me, or just plain knowing it doesn't lessen the fact that the desire is still there. 

And Pinterest is just NOT helping. 

{ladies, you know what I'm talking about.}

At the same time, I'm terrified for it to happen. What if it doesn't live up to my expectations? What if it goes by so quickly I can't enjoy it? What if, what if, what if....

*Le sigh*
There is no easy out for this. I will continue to live vicariously through the weddings and pregnancies of my friends and focus on stuff like...
I dont have to pay for a wedding. Or I don't have to look forward to poopy dipers. I don't have to have another person's life completely in my hands. I get to be self-centered for a few more years.



OK. I feel a little better
:)

Cursed Demon Berries {&} Hallucinations

My mother poisoned us this past weekend with unwashed fruit.

ALRIGHT! No, it was just the stomach flu...or food poisoning. We can't really decide because my mother and I got sick at the exact same time, and we both had fevers high enough to cause hallucinations, and both factors are hard to find with food poisoning from bad fruit, but still. It happened, and we were both equally miserable.

Luckily, we had my awesome dad and my boyfriend to take care of us. 

It's always nice to find someone who's willing to not sleep at ALL simply to make sure that the vomit stays out of your hair and you stay warm enough to stave off the bone-rattling chills at least for a moment.

{tmi?}

Another special little thank you to my handsome BF who was also willing to take care of my sick mommy as well as sick girlfriend when my dad had to leave to go work. Poor man is exhausted. 

I'd love to say that other things have happened, but the only things that have are hallucinations. 

Even more unfortunate tidbit: I can't remember all my exciting hallucinations, other than the fact I was pissed that no one would bring me apple juice. But I think that one may have actually occurred. So...

There you go.

"Maybe who we are isn't so much about what we do, but rather what we're capable of when we least expect it."

{Jodi Picoult}

Lessons in Weeds

To some who may know me very well may find it surprising that I....

{insert drumroll here}

weeded.

Amazing. I know. I figured: my dad is working his tail off to be able to make life comfortable for my family as well as pay for my brother and my education{s}, and I am currently {still} jobless, so perhaps helping out around the yard might be helpful. It wasn't much, but it was enough to give me very sore knees and a migraine. I am now convinced we need a goat or two to help with the half acre that is positively drowning in weeds. 

{plus they're SO darn cute!}

My mother used to have me pull weeds when I was younger, and I hated it. In a desperate attempt to make me stick to something, she said I could have 5 cents per weed I pulled. 

She didn't gamble on my little entrepreneur brain realizing that a yard full of weeds at five cents a weed would equate to a large{ish} sump of money. Especially when I brought her the buckets.

{Plural, for those who don't understand the "sss" at the end, but silly me, all my friends who would read this are super smart anyway :)}

The price per weed rapidly shrunk to one measly cent.

~~~
I hope you get the chance to weed someday.
It could change your life. 

I turned on my Mumford & Sons Pandora station on my iPhone, and attacked.

It was glorious mindlessness. I could just focus on the weeds, and lose myself in the ebb and flow of the music

While viciously ripping up roots of the unfortunate plants, my mindless work turned to thoughts flowing in and out of my head, dancing to the music from my headphones.
I realized how much my life is like a garden. God created me: he planted such beautiful, wonderful plants and flowers of all variaties. All rare and priceless, so much so that all can only be found in MY garden. 

The weeds are the plants that Satan has grown:

They are the emotions; the pain, the suffering, jealousy, greed, lust, and such overwhelming terrible anger; they grow and spread and choke all of the beautiful plants that God created. When weeding, it is important to get the ENTIRE plant. Not just the stalk, or a few leaves. Unless you get the root, the weed will just come back. I weed every once in a while, just ripping off enough of the plant so I can't see it anymore. Often times, I forget to address the {parden the pun} root of my problems. The roots, the deep hold that Satan has over me, are so strong; I don't have the strength to deal with them. To try to pull them out of the ground seems nearly impossible. 

Here's the catch, the fact that I continuously forget to remember: that I can not clear the weeds of my garden alone. The Lord says, "Come to me all that are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest." {Matt 11:28}

I've heard every sermon, I've listened to years of devotional speakers, I know the verses. Yet the act of giving my problems to God and saying, "I can't do this without you," then letting go is almost harder than the actual dealing with the issues. 

Here is what I know:

Number one: "I am a great sinner, and Christ is the GREAT savior."

Number two: I can not do it all on my own.

Number three: It's time to focus on the roots of the weeds

God give me strength.

All Things Old and New

Happy New Years!

I am blessed enough to be able to say that it's been a very busy few weeks, what with finals, Christmas, New Years, and even traveling to Pennsylvania to visit friends and my boyfriend's family!

I did lose a beautiful member of my family a few days before Christmas 

:(

We had to put our dog Lucy down

My mother with Lucy

She was 17 years old with a brain tumor...she was a rescue from the pound by a friend of ours, who couldn't handle her neurotic behavior. She was CRAZY! But it was obvious she was very well trained...as well as previously in an abusive family. My little brother was her person, she would protect him from anything! She was always there whenever we needed her, she always knew when something was wrong, she would play and play and play until she couldn't walk anymore!

I firmly believe that I will see both her and my baby, our other dog Shelby, in heaven when the time comes!

It's amazing how ingrained a pet can become with one's family :)

On another slightly more exciting note: I got an iPhone! I think all of my friends and family are sick of hearing about how awesome it is but....it is SO AWESOME! Well done Steve Jobs and may you rest in peace knowing that you made this girl's Christmas amazing!

I can honestly say I'm getting anxious for school to start up again, but it won't start until January 23rd!! That break is WAY too long!

BUUUUT I get an Associates Degree at the end of this next semester, possibily even two!

Which is exciting...becauuussseee...

Many people may not know this but after my head injury, (5 concussions in 4 months) the doctors told me I'd never be able to be at the point I'm at now. I was told that reading would always be a difficulty, I would never finish school, and that my parents should look into health care facilities that would take care of me, because I'd never be able to take care of myself.

That was close to 4 years ago.

Now I'm getting a degree in general ed with an emphasis on human behavior, possibly in American Sign Language as well, and I'm on my way to other degrees in psychology and religion, with a goal to get as many letters by my name as possible; just to prove that I can!

I'd really love to throw in a SUCK IT right now. 

But I won't. that would be rude.

;)

I've got this feeling that 2012 is going to be an amazing year. Life is so good...even when it's not too great, it always presents with something else good and wonderful. 

and 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." 

{-James 1:17}

So, thank you Lord for an amazing 2011, I can't wait to see what you have in store for me now

and just so you can have a little taste of my Pennsylvania vacation...

the memorial at Valley Forge

the grounds at Valley Forge at twilight

the LOVE of my life who made the whole trip possible and wonderful